Toilet Paper

belchingmatt · Post by **belchingmatt** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 3:05 pm

Well these questions need to be asked. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' />

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There are plenty more fish in the sea, get your tackle out and see what bites.

Divers go deeper and stay down for longer.

shawpower · Post by **shawpower** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 4:11 pm

I usually start off with 3 sheets. I find that with only two the surface area is too small. So I fold the three in half, and wipe a few times. Then I fold again, sometime only one sheet before the second. I try and fold as many times as possible before reaching for the roll again.

One valuable lesson I've learned is that the first wipe should be just with one sheet and be always in a downward motion!! Drop as soon as the sheet finishes contact with the fluffy kitten. I've had it before where, unbeknownst to me, I've had a bit of a clingon. Well I wiped upwards and brought the paper out to have a look. I mean fold. :cough: And the bloody brownstuff flicked off the paper and onto the nearby wall before falling to ground!! <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/blink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blink.gif' /> Had to try and lift it off the carpet and clean the wall without wiping off too much non water-resistant paint.

The worst bit was that I was in someone else's loo at the time and they didn't have a lock on the door!! Anyway, I did the tidyup as quick as possible and scarpered. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/eusa_whistle.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='eusa_whistle.gif' />

Flaming heck, never again. Always wipe down on the first go!!

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belchingmatt · Post by **belchingmatt** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 4:30 pm

OVERSHARE

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

<!--emo&

--><img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/shit.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='shit.gif' /> <!--emo&

--><img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/shit.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='shit.gif' />

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<div class='signature'> I'm not addicted to porn, I'm addicted to masturbation. Porn is just an enabler.

<img src='http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/ma ... Threat.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image'>

There are plenty more fish in the sea, get your tackle out and see what bites.

Divers go deeper and stay down for longer.

Post by **JJW009** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 6:59 pm

I usually take 3 sheets, place on my knee and then either take one or two of those sheets depending on what I expect to find. Folded once, wipe down and have a check. If it's overloaded, then I'll be needing more - else, fold again, wipe and repeat.

Remaining sheet on my knee is for polishing off and buffing up, which I have recently discovered can be done from either the front or rear approach - although the frontal approach requires the raising of the landing gear <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/unsure.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='unsure.gif' />

In case of stubborn residue or tenderness, there are now also some moist wipes available. Luxury Pink for the lady of the house, and economy for moi! The pink ones were mostly used for make-up I think!

The lady of the house used to take the roll - the whole thing, scrunch it up and wipe. At least I think that must be what happened <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' />

This thread is more than a little... <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/bum.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='bum.gif' />

<img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' />

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belchingmatt · Post by **belchingmatt** » Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:25 pm

I reckon the 'no wiper' is exclusive to the tee-totalers. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/dry.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='dry.gif' />

As a drinker I start with a couple of folded sheets and reduce as necessary. Scrape then polish. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' />

I still want to know how the shells work in Demolition Man. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/huh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='huh.gif' />

mmmm Sandra Bullock. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/biggrin.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='biggrin.gif' />

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<div class='signature'> I'm not addicted to porn, I'm addicted to masturbation. Porn is just an enabler.

<img src='http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/ma ... Threat.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image'>

There are plenty more fish in the sea, get your tackle out and see what bites.

Divers go deeper and stay down for longer.

shawpower · Post by **shawpower** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:26 am

JJW009 wrote:There are now also some moist wipes available.

You've just reminded me of a story I heard first hand from someone.

Basically she was in a friends toilet and couldn't see any toilet roll. Glancing behind her she saw some of those moist wipes you mention. So she grabbed a couple, and cleaned herself off.

When she was washing her hands she felt a slight burning sensation in her nether regions. Getting a bit concerned, she looked again at the wipes. They turned out to be Domestos bleach wipes. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/blink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blink.gif' /> Ouch.

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shawpower · Post by **shawpower** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:27 am

belchingmatt wrote:OVERSHARE

TOO MUCH INFORMATION

<img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/shit.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='shit.gif' /> <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/4013/140/emo/shit.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='shit.gif' />

I thought this was the place where we were meant to share this type of info!! <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' />

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belchingmatt · Post by **belchingmatt** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:45 am

Perhaps I should have left it as a poll with no replies.

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<div class='signature'> I'm not addicted to porn, I'm addicted to masturbation. Porn is just an enabler.

<img src='http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/ma ... Threat.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image'>

There are plenty more fish in the sea, get your tackle out and see what bites.

Divers go deeper and stay down for longer.

Post by **JJW009** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:01 am

shawpower wrote:Domestos bleach

Who what where when would someone think of that, it's a nightmare! <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/blink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blink.gif' />

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shawpower · Post by **shawpower** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:36 am

Ermmm, I don't thin they put it there with that purpose in mind, and the female in question sure as hell got a fright. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/blink.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='blink.gif' />

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0_Koneko_0 · Post by **0_Koneko_0** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:59 pm

I take 4 sheets and fold up

if I need to wipe more I use another 2 sheets

I hate the feeling of pooo

Especially with cheap toilet paper.

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belchingmatt · Post by **belchingmatt** » Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:08 pm

I suppose the nest poll will be about how many plys. <img src='http://i2.ifrm.com/html/emoticons/laugh.gif' border='0' style='vertical-align:middle' alt='laugh.gif' />

In fact I can rate most of the companies I have worked for on the quality of bum notes they provide.

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<div class='signature'> I'm not addicted to porn, I'm addicted to masturbation. Porn is just an enabler.

<img src='http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/ma ... Threat.gif' border='0' alt='user posted image'>

There are plenty more fish in the sea, get your tackle out and see what bites.

Divers go deeper and stay down for longer.